Making a friend sounds easy, right?

For the majority of us...making a friend isn't something that we think about. It just naturally happens. We might seek out a person who we would like to be friends with, but the introduction, eye contact, and conversation flows freely. We know how to start the conversation and end the conversation. We know how to make arrangements to get together in the future...to continue our friendship. We don't have a checklist to accomplish this, or even a mental list in our minds. It just happens.

This is not so with Aspie's. For most Aspie's friendship during the elementary years doesn't usually happen because of behaviors that most typical children don't appreciate. As kids grow older, it becomes ok to be different (but not too different) and of course when college rolls around, the more different you are the better! My son, being 14, is wanting to have some social outings...to have friends over, to go out and do things with friends, and he especially wants to find people with the same interests. We have been working with him...first step one...learning the importance of knowing peoples names, which includes asking them their name and then remembering it. This can be a challenge. It usually take a few times of hanging out with a friend before my son remembers their name. Secondly, there is a give and take in conversation. That means Brennan not only has to talk, but listen, and take turns in conversation. This can be especially difficult if he's excited or talking about a favorite topic. Mostly, he wants to talk...not listen. Then there's the problem...how do I hang out with this kid...this has been our most challenging topic. I encourage Brennan to get phone numbers, but he's very uncomfortable asking...even kids he knows well. We had set a goal to get one phone number a week, so that when Brennan wants to do something, he has a list of friends he can call. First, he would have to remember his cell phone so he can enter the phone number! (We realized we put the cart before the horse here and now are working toward remembering to take the phone with him!) Once these tasks are done...there is the ending of the conversation, which can and has been awkward at best. Saying "well, bye" in the middle of someone else's sentence just doesn't work for establishing friendships...so...during the upcoming weeks...we have determined the sequence

*take the phone with you when you want to make friends
*introduce yourself, ask and work to remember the other person's name
*if this turns out to be someone you could be friends with, ask them if they'd like to hang out and if so get their phone number
*listen carefully during conversations and when it seems like there is nothing left to say...tell your friend it's time for you to go and you'll talk to or see them later. Wait for a response
*Make plans with Mom and Dad first...and then call the friend to see if they can and want to participate

So...therein lies the challenge...things that come naturally for us....that we do everyday, often times must be broken down into manageable steps that typically need verbal prompts to be completed.

Do Not, I repeat Do Not, lose faith...

I had the joyous opportunity to attend my son's IEP last week complete with his triannual evaluation. My former visits to his IEP meetings often involved skipping life the rest of the day and stopping for ice cream on my way to the skipping.

This year...was quite different...the comments from his teachers were amazing...curious, eager learner, wonderful to have in class...really...it's all paying off? Amazing.

This year since he is 14 we also began to develop his transition plan to adult life, including college. (gasp!) College? My same boy that didn't know his ABC's at the end of kindergarten who is now reading at grade level? Included in his college plan is DeVry or ITT Tech...how cool is that?

Here's the point of this post...when I had a child living in my house that was less than pleasant to say the least, inflexible, tantruming, whining, hitting, putting holes in the door, and on and on it goes, when my relatives were saying positive things to me like, he just really needs a good spanking, or I hope he likes jail when he grows up...(honest these things were said to me) it might have been easy for me to lose the faith. When I was paying $5000 a year for my copayments for his therapy, $6000 a year for private school and running him from this therapy to another...I really wasn't sure it was all going to be worth it. What I did know was I had to do anything and everything I could to save my child, to help my child develop every possible talent and skill he had, no matter what the cost or the sacrifice. God had entrusted this special being to me and it was my responsibility to see to it that he succeed and find his spot in life. It was not easy to say the least, there were many days I was on auto pilot...unable to take a clear look at the condition that was my life...but today...I know it was important for me to not lose faith, faith in me, or faith in him. And yes...it was hard, and yes, it still is some days...but the biggest yes of all, is that it is worth it.