Making a friend sounds easy, right?

For the majority of us...making a friend isn't something that we think about. It just naturally happens. We might seek out a person who we would like to be friends with, but the introduction, eye contact, and conversation flows freely. We know how to start the conversation and end the conversation. We know how to make arrangements to get together in the future...to continue our friendship. We don't have a checklist to accomplish this, or even a mental list in our minds. It just happens.

This is not so with Aspie's. For most Aspie's friendship during the elementary years doesn't usually happen because of behaviors that most typical children don't appreciate. As kids grow older, it becomes ok to be different (but not too different) and of course when college rolls around, the more different you are the better! My son, being 14, is wanting to have some social outings...to have friends over, to go out and do things with friends, and he especially wants to find people with the same interests. We have been working with him...first step one...learning the importance of knowing peoples names, which includes asking them their name and then remembering it. This can be a challenge. It usually take a few times of hanging out with a friend before my son remembers their name. Secondly, there is a give and take in conversation. That means Brennan not only has to talk, but listen, and take turns in conversation. This can be especially difficult if he's excited or talking about a favorite topic. Mostly, he wants to talk...not listen. Then there's the problem...how do I hang out with this kid...this has been our most challenging topic. I encourage Brennan to get phone numbers, but he's very uncomfortable asking...even kids he knows well. We had set a goal to get one phone number a week, so that when Brennan wants to do something, he has a list of friends he can call. First, he would have to remember his cell phone so he can enter the phone number! (We realized we put the cart before the horse here and now are working toward remembering to take the phone with him!) Once these tasks are done...there is the ending of the conversation, which can and has been awkward at best. Saying "well, bye" in the middle of someone else's sentence just doesn't work for establishing friendships...so...during the upcoming weeks...we have determined the sequence

*take the phone with you when you want to make friends
*introduce yourself, ask and work to remember the other person's name
*if this turns out to be someone you could be friends with, ask them if they'd like to hang out and if so get their phone number
*listen carefully during conversations and when it seems like there is nothing left to say...tell your friend it's time for you to go and you'll talk to or see them later. Wait for a response
*Make plans with Mom and Dad first...and then call the friend to see if they can and want to participate

So...therein lies the challenge...things that come naturally for us....that we do everyday, often times must be broken down into manageable steps that typically need verbal prompts to be completed.

The Normal Among Us

I wish I had a video camera...I wish I could capture it in my memory and keep it there forever. Last night my son started his latest playgroup to continue building his social skills. From the minute I mentioned it to him he was so excited. I had no doubt it would go well. As I sat beside him in the waiting room, the other Aspie teenagers began to come in. My boy looked at me everytime he saw a similarity. "Hey Mom! I know what they're talking about. Hey Mom, they all have their SP's with them. Hey Mom, they like Pokemon!" I was immediately pleased in the fact that my son sat in a room of 9 teenagers and looked completely and utterly normal. 8 handsome young men and 1 young lady all with nothing to lose: Talking, laughing, playing and catching up, painfully aware of how different they can be. I encouraged my son to go talk to them. "Na...I'll wait." was the reply. Finally the therapist came in and encouraged the group to introduce themselves to my son. They all stood up, shook hands, practiced making eye contact and introduced themselves. They were off for the best hour of fun I believe my son may have ever had. There were no put downs, there was no ridicule, there was no bullying...it was totally safe, totally fun, and totally wonderful. If I think about it too much, it'll probably bring me to tears. After the group I asked him if he liked it? "Liked it?!? Of course! When can I come back?" We talked about how if felt to be among a large group of kids that were just like him...to which he replied...it was scary at first because I don't like that introducing stuff, but then it was really fun. Bless his heart! I saw a lot of hope for my boy last night. I met a lot of super great kids...loving, funny, energetic, smart, unsure, determined great kids...determined to be normal among us.

The boy with the laughs...

My son has a carefree spirit this summer, which is new to him and new to me. The majority of his life includes a lot of worry, obstacles, obsessions, and anxiety. I have noticed a new found carefreeness (is that a word) about the boy this summer and I must say I like it. I hope it hangs around so he can just appreciate being and not worry so much. Two little tidbits for you today that just cracked me up...

So, y'all know that Brennan is really diggin tennis this year. The problem with that is when he's excited about something his mouth runs NON STOP. I as the mama am sure it would be even more disrupted if I yelled from the bleachers, "Hey Brennan, could you puleeeezzzzzeee be quiet?" So, I have sat quietly waiting for someone to tire of his mouth. Well, tire they did. Finally the coach said, Brennan, really if you don't be quiet you're going to have to run a lap...to which Brennan replied in true Aspie fashion, "Run a lap? You want me to run a lap? Just one? Because that's really no problem. Right before I got here I rode my bike around the block 13 times, to get rid of some energy, so one lap is nothing" and then he continued talking to his neighbor. I'm pretty sure that's not the response the coach was looking for.

I am REALLY the wimpiest mom of all time. I hardly ever say no, and my kids are quite indulged. SHOCKING?!? Isn't it?!? (Man I'm crackin myself up today) -- anyway, despite my overly kind and generous way with my children, they often find it necessary to point out to me exactly how mean I am. In my defense I've learned to respond, "Yes, I know I'm mean. I went to the mean school for mama's." So, today as usual Brennan was whining about some injustice that had come his way and of course I spouted off about the mean school for mama's, to which he replied..."there is no mean school for mama's I looked it up online and it doesn't exist." OMG!!! Gotta love the literal nature of Aspie's huh? Have I mentioned lately how much I love him?

Infancy

Welcome to blog #2...this blog is purely in it's infancy stage...This blog however, has a specific purpose...to blog about aspies...in general and my aspie in particular. If you don't know what an aspie is...it's a person, that has been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome (more on that later) -- Stay tuned...