The Effects of Bullying...

Today was day # 5 of school, my first email to the asst. principal (AP), and my son's first absence from school. He called me at 11:00 to be picked up due to his terrible back ache. (See number 2 in this previous post...) At first I was concerned that he had some bladder, kidney, boy part, I don't know what kind of injury from today's bullying event. After talking to him, I thought he was just shaken up and encouraged him to get through the day. Absences are very hard for him and he misses frequently due to various things. Therefore, I try to keep him there once he gets there. I told him to march directly across the hall to visit the AP to discuss the bullying thus far this year. He said, ok mom...and was off. At 2:00 the nurse called again. Brennan asked me to puleeeez pick him up, cuz his back, feet, ankles, etc. etc. were hurting to badly for him to finish the day. I had almost finished my work day and didn't have to be at my internship for 2 hours...so I went to pick him up. I had a 'comfort' conversation with him...letting him talk a lot...discussing what happened, reassuring him that he is fabulous and that I love him no matter what...during this conversation he said..."I love PE" followed by, "I hate PE"

The Mr and I have discussed taking him out of PE, but the socialization and physical activity is so necessary for him. After this week I am wondering if the risks outweigh the benefits. My son confirmed that he loves PE and all the activity...he loves that he feels more awake after all that movement...he loves being with regular kids...he hates bullies...he hates being hurt...he hates being humiliated...he hates being laughed at...at this point my heart breaks, I rub his soft hair, and tell him it's going to be ok. At this point, I wish I knew in my heart that it will be.

Bullying...will it ever end

I find myself a bit speechless when it comes to bullying. It frustrates me...it hurts my son...it establishes the survival of the fittest societal roles, and is just generally annoying. I must admit it has been so much better so far this year than last. However, it's still not ok.

I was given this checklist at a workshop I attended...
(There is no author to give credit to...sorry) but I found it very interesting...

What does bullying do to my health?

Bullying causes injury to health and makes you ill. How many of these symptoms do you have?

~constant high levels of stress and anxiety
~frequent illness such as viral infections especially flu and glandular fever, colds, coughs, chest, ear, nose and throat infections (stress plays havoc with your immune system)
~aches and pains in the joints and muscles with no obvious cause; also back pain with no obvious cause and which won't go away or respond to treatment
~headaches and migraines
~tiredness, exhaustion, constant fatigue
~sleeplessness, nightmares, waking early, waking up more tired than when you went to bed
~flashbacks and replays, obsessiveness, can't get the bullying out of your mind
~irritable bowel syndrome
~skin problems such as eczema, psoriasis, athlete's foot, ulcers, shingles, urticaria
~poor concentration
~bad or intermittently -functioning memory, forgetfulness
~sweating, trembling, shaking, palpitations, panic attacks
~tearfulness, bursting into tears regularly over trivial things
~uncharacteristic irritability and angry outbursts
~hyper vigilance (feels like but is not paranoia), being constantly on edge
~hypersensitivity, fragility, isolation, withdrawal
~reactive depression, a feeling of woebegoneness, lethargy, hopelessness, anger, futility and more
~shattered self-confidence, low self-worth, low self-esteem, loss of self-love, etc.

The ones listed in red are the effects my son regularly suffers from :( After yesterday's incident (see sidebar dated 8.26.08) he stated that every morning he's excited about school and by the time he gets home he wishes he was dead. That...is the ultimate effect of bullying.

Today...we shall have a conversation with the PE teacher.

And so it continues...

I was going to title this post 'and so it begins' like I have at the beginning of every other school year when the craziness starts. But after a bit of thought, I began to think that ...and so it continues is more appropriate. Here's the thing...I go into the counseling office...personally, as in...in person...to change and discuss my son's schedule this year. I do believe it is just about perfect...and he too is pleased (Which is quite a feat let me tell you...) Of course he comes home yesterday...with a 'new' schedule...and a note from his 'new' case manager that if I have any schedule questions I am to call her. Ummmm.....no. [pause]

Yesterday as my son went to 4 of his 7 classes he was told he wasn't on the class list. You see, changing his schedule isn't going to work for me... Remember the former post about bullying? well, now my son has 4 classes AND lunch with last year's bully. How could it get any better? Could they put his locker right next to the bully? Could they share a seat on the bus with the bully? Not if I can help it. So...I sent a little very kind email to my son's 'new' case manager last night...in my mind I wrote this...

Dear Dim Wit Case Manager,

Puleeeeeeeeez do not take it upon yourself to change my son's schedule. You see, I carried him for 9 months, birthed him, raised him, and protected him for the past 14 years. I do not appreciate people taking it upon themselves to 'undo' what I have done. In the future, if you are contemplating a change for my precious boy...you're gonna want to contact his slightly neurotic, overprotective mother first. Is that perfectly clear?

Ok, so I didn't write that in the email, but I was quite miffed that he had this extra stress on his first day. Really, was it necessary? If there was a problem, could they have contacted me first? I mean really, I'm on a first name basis with most of the staff...because I'm always so pleasant and definitely NOT a trouble maker ;)

So, checked my email this morning...nothin...I believe school opens in 32 minutes...guess who'll be on the phone...

Just curious...how do other Aspie parents handle these issues? I think I'm pretty well versed with the whole school process, but there are definitely challenges that remain...

Book Review for the Bullied...

An unfortunate part of having Asperger's is attending middle school. Middle school is wrought with bullies. Professional bullies and lots of them. I spent most of my natural life last school year addressing the bully situation at the middle school. The stealing of the pencils, the pulling out of the chair when my son goes to sit down, the flipping him off when the teacher's not looking, etc. etc. It's been quite lovely overall. NOT!

Anyway, so we sought some therapy for the boy last year on how to deal with these bullies effectively. Our therapist recommended this book... You can go to the website here. This fall the author is coming out with a do it yourself book to write your own story. There is also a sequel that I haven't read yet and a 3rd book coming out. This series is written with such humor and in cartoon form, yet the social stories included are relevant and really help Aspie's learn to deal with the bullying. I would highly recommend it! My son keeps asking me where is his book, and why is it always in my room? ;) Sorry son, I just couldn't help but finish it. This book is great for any child that is bullied...

On this sight I don't speak too much of having an Aspie for a sibling...however, it can be a challenge at best...for the Aspie sibling I recommend the book Rules by Cynthia Lord. It is written from the perspective of a middle school girl growing up with an autistic brother and how she teaches him social rules. It let's siblings of autistic children know they are not alone. In these last few days before school starts...it's good to get back on track with a good book...